Rekindling The Fire
After a month of taking off from work to take care of me and the baby, my husband goes back to work today. We are back to the normal weekdays, but this time, with a newborn for me to attend to.
Relationship-wise (as husband and wife), we were struggling a little bit of it. We had not find time for each other like before...you know, just the two of us. This scenario was expected after having our baby. I remember the nights we were in the hospital and the few nights after we went home where I slept on the chair because it was hard for me to get up with an incision if I lay on bed. I felt a physical separation from my other half. I was missing his arms around me, the warmth of his skin against mine, and most of all, the security I feel when he's there lying beside me on bed.
Things had been overwhelming since our precious girl came. Ninety-nine percent of our focus was on her: feeding, burping, changing diapers, putting her to sleep, and spending time playing with her while she's awake. I had to deal with emotional and physical stress for days because of having difficulty nursing her and my incision from the C-section. Watching me with my struggles also affects my husband. Why not? He cares about my feelings. He was there to support me with the postpartum state I've been through. He did the best he could for his daughter and his wife.
For a month of going through the changes in our life together from the day the baby came was a little bit tough. It's a new thing for us as husband and wife. We have not dealt anything like it before. We don't know how to perfectly take care of a baby aside from trusting our instincts, tips from family and friends, and how-to-raise-a-baby information we get from outside resources like Google, pediatrician, etc..
I can say that during the first four weeks, I only did not feel physical separation from my husband, but emotionally as well. Inside me was a drought season for him and other aspects of my life, and I ignored what I felt. I was too drain to attend and scrutinize what's inside my heart and my soul. I had other things to deal with which involved mostly the baby and my physical healing. However, when you disregard what's deep within you consumes the relationship -- in a negative way. I was worn out inside. So is my husband. After all he is only human. Nonetheless, he still tried his best to do his responsibilities and showed me his care and concern.
Yesterday afternoon while Evie was taking a nap in the living room, I went in our bedroom and read a grammar book. A few minutes after, my husband popped and settled beside me. From there, we just found ourselves talking and sharing about our feelings. I'm a very emotional wife. When I express to my husband what's in my heart, it is mostly accompanied with tears. He must have gotten used to it. Another thing about me is that, pouring out my heart is a bit difficult for me to do. For almost all of my life, I have mastered the art of burying my emotions to myself. When you become skillful in one thing, people can't just easily unclothe you from what you are good at. The good thing is, my husband is so patient to squeeze out the crystals of my emotions. To him, my feelings are precious gems. Knowing this truth, my heart has learned to open up (and until now, it is still learning).
Making ourselves comfortable on bed, I disclosed the emotional detachment I felt towards him, my exhaustion, and some thoughts regarding the things I observed between us. He shared his sentiments at the same time. We talked. We listened. There were tears. Smiles. Giggles. Even some good laughs.
We came into a good understanding. We agreed to fix the hitches while they are still small. We have not come up concrete solutions on how to do the things that need attention. We cannot make all things work immediately with the new, big changes and responsibilities. However, cracking out our feelings and thoughts was a promising step towards a harmonious, rekindled fire of passion for our marriage. We will surely get there.
Relationship-wise (as husband and wife), we were struggling a little bit of it. We had not find time for each other like before...you know, just the two of us. This scenario was expected after having our baby. I remember the nights we were in the hospital and the few nights after we went home where I slept on the chair because it was hard for me to get up with an incision if I lay on bed. I felt a physical separation from my other half. I was missing his arms around me, the warmth of his skin against mine, and most of all, the security I feel when he's there lying beside me on bed.
Things had been overwhelming since our precious girl came. Ninety-nine percent of our focus was on her: feeding, burping, changing diapers, putting her to sleep, and spending time playing with her while she's awake. I had to deal with emotional and physical stress for days because of having difficulty nursing her and my incision from the C-section. Watching me with my struggles also affects my husband. Why not? He cares about my feelings. He was there to support me with the postpartum state I've been through. He did the best he could for his daughter and his wife.
For a month of going through the changes in our life together from the day the baby came was a little bit tough. It's a new thing for us as husband and wife. We have not dealt anything like it before. We don't know how to perfectly take care of a baby aside from trusting our instincts, tips from family and friends, and how-to-raise-a-baby information we get from outside resources like Google, pediatrician, etc..
I can say that during the first four weeks, I only did not feel physical separation from my husband, but emotionally as well. Inside me was a drought season for him and other aspects of my life, and I ignored what I felt. I was too drain to attend and scrutinize what's inside my heart and my soul. I had other things to deal with which involved mostly the baby and my physical healing. However, when you disregard what's deep within you consumes the relationship -- in a negative way. I was worn out inside. So is my husband. After all he is only human. Nonetheless, he still tried his best to do his responsibilities and showed me his care and concern.
Yesterday afternoon while Evie was taking a nap in the living room, I went in our bedroom and read a grammar book. A few minutes after, my husband popped and settled beside me. From there, we just found ourselves talking and sharing about our feelings. I'm a very emotional wife. When I express to my husband what's in my heart, it is mostly accompanied with tears. He must have gotten used to it. Another thing about me is that, pouring out my heart is a bit difficult for me to do. For almost all of my life, I have mastered the art of burying my emotions to myself. When you become skillful in one thing, people can't just easily unclothe you from what you are good at. The good thing is, my husband is so patient to squeeze out the crystals of my emotions. To him, my feelings are precious gems. Knowing this truth, my heart has learned to open up (and until now, it is still learning).
Making ourselves comfortable on bed, I disclosed the emotional detachment I felt towards him, my exhaustion, and some thoughts regarding the things I observed between us. He shared his sentiments at the same time. We talked. We listened. There were tears. Smiles. Giggles. Even some good laughs.
We came into a good understanding. We agreed to fix the hitches while they are still small. We have not come up concrete solutions on how to do the things that need attention. We cannot make all things work immediately with the new, big changes and responsibilities. However, cracking out our feelings and thoughts was a promising step towards a harmonious, rekindled fire of passion for our marriage. We will surely get there.
