To Have or Not to Have (Another Child)
My husband was shocked and speechless on Sunday night when I told him that we will try to make another baby. He didn't know how to react or what to say. His face looked surprised and there were moments he looked like he's going to burst into laughter (but he didn't). While me who kept teasing him and bringing up the subject was in a jovial mood. I made the topic whimsical, but I tell you, I was serious about it. As in S-E-R-I-O-U-S. I just didn't want to make my husband feel awkward. And I think, I succeeded.
Having another child is an issue that we talked about before but have not really come up a resolution to. There was one night I told him that I didn't feel like having another child again. Mainly because of financial concerns. I'm not too sure if we can raise two kids and give them their (material) needs with only one person in the house earning. But deep in my heart, I wanted to have another child. I want my daughter to have a brother/sister that she can share her love with as she grows up. I came from a big family and I know what it feels like to have brothers and sisters. A family is a family. It can never be compared to the friends we have around. Friends come and go. But our family will stick with us because they are our flesh and blood. They are the people who stay with us for a lifetime and even forever.
My husband's mind on the other hand has been wired to just have one child. He's content of just having our daughter. He doesn't foresee another child in his mind. He's got fears. He fears that he might be unfair to our next child. He fears that his love for our daughter will be more than his love for Evie's brother/sister. I believe that this feeling of his has stemmed from a deep root. Maybe when he was still growing up as a kid. I also have the vibes that like me, he's worried about how we are able to support two kids, financially (though he's not telling me about it).
We ignored this very important issue for few months. But lately, I was thinking of it more. There were moments I thought I was already so sure of having just one child. So, we started selling our daughter's baby stuff on Craigslist. After all, we no longer need those things for her. She's outgrown most of it. However, it's the letting go of her stuff that made me think of the "another child" subject again. There was even one time I felt sad when a woman carried my daughter's bouncer/exersaucer away. It was weird. I didn't realize I am still emotionally attached to some of her baby stuff until someone took it away from us. When I think of having another baby again, I think more of it for our daughter. But it doesn't mean I don't personally want another child. As I said earlier, deep in my heart, I want to have another baby—to love and to nourish with all that I am capable of.
My daughter's life would be so different if she will have a brother (or sister) than none. With a sibling around, her life will be more colorful, happier, more exciting, more meaningful. She has someone to share her life with as they grow up together. In times of happiness and triumph, she's got someone to laugh and celebrate with. In times of sadness and defeat, she's got someone to mourn and support with. These are just few of the very essential things she will freely and lavishly receive from having a sibling. The list is so long. And for me as a parent of another child, the joy, the life's lessons and meaning, the love, are increased tenfold. Whether we will be blessed with another child, it will be up to the Creator. All we can do is try—of course with our minds and hearts 100% on it.
As I teased my stupefied husband about it with giggles and laughs, I also advised him to talk to his (male) friends. I am pretty sure they can give some helpful opinions and wisdom. At the same time, I truly appreciate his honesty. He told me to give him few days to think. Well, this issue needs plenty of time to reflect upon and he's entitled for the space he needs. Alongside, a help from the ONE above is utmost. Moreover, with what happened this morning, I think he's already agreeing 75% of having another child. Yay, 25% is so close. But I also reminded him that if he decides to, his heart and mind must be 100% sure. I do not want to force him. I do not want him to be resentful about it because if that happens, our family might suffer for it in the future. Let's see what happens after he will spend lunch with two of his closest friends on Thursday. By then, he might already have the answer. If he decides to have another one or not, I will completely support his decision. I trust God's works upon him as the person anointed to be above me (my husband).
Obviously, this story is to be continued... :)
